Saturday, June 27, 2009


I've always wanted to go out and see the world since I was a little kid. My parents were my inspiration back then; they both studied overseas. Only this time, I want to achieve more than them. From primary school to MRSM, things workout as I wished. I took a stumble during my time in KMS but I was given a second chance to redeem myself. Tomorrow, its the final exam that will decide my fate.

I did OK last sem, perhaps because the subjects were easier and I've already learned most of them before this. This time, it is more challenging (difficult is just a state of mind). At the moment,exactly 32 hours before the first paper I haven't entirely covered the syllabus. This is when people should be panick. To be honest I am a little freak out.

But I promise myself, I will walk into that exam room confidently, and walkout the same way. I won't let any negative feeling get in my way, not this time. Wish me luck.


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

As you grow older

When we were young, life is so carefree. Everything was spontaneous. I could play with my friends all day long. Nothing to be worried about. I used to steal buah koko in this chinese farm without slight hesitation(Yes, i was evil). Nothing to be concerned about. Of course i was beaten the crap out of me when my parents found out. The point is, it was easy to make a decision back then.

When we get older, multiple variables seems to appear out of nowhere when it comes to decision making. Even in the simplest thing like where to eat when you were in groups. It feels like, whatever you do there's always consequences need to be considered. Sometimes when you're not doing anything you also wonder what is the outcome. Especially when you're in goal oriented circumtances.

When you want to get involved with someone, you always wonder what is the appropriate way to do it. Do I come too strong if I call?Is texting too casual?What would he/she think of me if i do this? What would PEOPLE think of me if I do that? This kinda questions can be barricades to whatever we want to achieve.

Its not that I'm complaining of being a grown up. Its just I didn't realize when did I grow up to be this kinda person. Till I decided to write this down. When I was a little kid, it got me thinking, how does it feel to be an adult? It must be cool. I can drive my own car, have my own money to buy my own toys, I can do whatever I want. Now that I am what I am, I already did those cool stuff. And its not as cool as i thought it is. Those stuff comes with responsibility. Which is something I couldn't possibly understand when I was a kid. Now that I do, I wish I was one of the Lost Boys in the Neverland.

I know its cowardly to run away from your responsibility or even complaining about them. Its just something we have to do, whether you like it or not. What really bugs me is that the thought of when we desired of something, and eventually gets it, we regret it. We wish we never made that decision or even dreaming about it. And we fixed it back the way it were at the first place, we keep wondering if we had not do that. We never satisfy with whatever we have. I guess that is what makes us human